I Married You
by Walter Trobisch Book Review by Miranda Fraser ISN: 9780966396669 I wanted to start this review off by saying that I know religion is one of those topics that generally invokes two reactions- Happiness or Anger. I am in no way sharing this to upset anyone. Personally, this is not a book I would have picked up on my own, despite being religious. However, as my fiance and I attended marriage counseling, our pastor was adamant that this book was important to read. I say this with hesitation as I know it defeats the purpose of a book whose cover says, "A biblical rationale for why we believe in marriage", but after reading it I will say that even if you were to dismiss the religious aspects, I think a lot of his advice on marriages can be helpful. Again, I know that sounds contradictory, but I want the non-religious book worms to know that this book might have something for them as well. Also important information, Walter Trobisch is a German Pastor who traveled to foreign countries and preaches on topics such as marriage and the bible. Now, to those who grew up in religious households it sounds crazy to think that anyone in a church could think that God has nothing to do with marriage, but this is exactly what Walter encounters on this particular missionary trip. He goes there to preach about marriage and how the bible describes it, as well as hopefully help clear up some of the foreign beliefs in marriage. For example: a marriage that bares no children is not a real marriage. In many foreign countries this is grounds for a divorce and the man being allowed to remarry. Trobisch addresses why this is non-sense and not part of the plan for marriage. He calls this the "Garden Concept of Marriage", which essentially boils down to men having all control, all purpose, etc. But he counteracts these points and explains where it falls short of a real marriage. I personally loved this part because he points out that children are an additional blessing to marriage, not an essential part of the foundation of marriage. I want to have children of my own, but my fiance and I know this may not happen for us. And of course there is always adoption, no need to point that out, I am well aware. It's just that until you're presented with the idea that you cannot have a child of your own with the person you love... you can't quite understand why it can make a woman wonder if they are doing a disservice to the man they love by marrying them. It's a vicious dark side of having anxiety, but it is a reality for me. So to hear this man, a father of a five, preach to these people that children are not a necessity to marriage, somehow made that fear less intense. Even today the Garden Concept is hidden in movies, novels! And it can be found in history itself, so it's not surprising that people think that marriage is not a marriage if you don't have children. But getting off of that topic I want to discuss this man's biggest illustration of marriage. With this in mind, I know some churches allow you to decide if you want to have marriage counseling or not. For us it was not optional, but if you're able to make that decision, and you're not interested in the counseling, I suggest just reading this book. Our pastor literally used the triangle concept, Walter's biggest illustration of marriage. It was like he took it right out of the book. The three points on a triangle are the leaving, the cleaving, and the becoming one flesh. The cleaving, is the love in a marriage. It's the getting to know the person and making a decision that this is indeed someone you can love and grow with till death do you part. The leaving, is the separating yourself from your parents. And no, this does not mean distance yourself from your family. What it means is recognizing you and your spouse as your own household and not running back to your parents for everything/letting nosy-in-laws push you around. The one flesh, is generally perceived as sex. And while yes, sex is part of that corner, the one flesh refers to becoming one partnership and one life. Believe me I know I don't do the definitions justice, neither did our pastor, but Walter Trobisch really knew how to explain this! There are more details and reasons why the triangle is so important. He later compares it to a tent, saying that your marriage stays sheltered in the tent as long as your tent is standing. Your children, the additional blessing, are not the foundation or your marriage BUT if you have a strong marriage they will be sheltered in the center of your triangle. Honestly, I loved this analogy once I read it for myself. Finally, along the way of preaching the message of marriages and how to strengthen them, he helped many couples/bachelors. Each couple a different problem/type of relationship or misconception on what makes a strong marriage. In the end even he has marriage problems that need worked on, for as he says, even Dr's get sick. It was a touching and well done book. If you look for this book you can find it listed under religion or non-fiction. Walter Trobisch really was a pastor who traveled to Africa and other countries to preach. And supposedly these are all real encounters he's had, but whether these people existed or not, I think there is something everyone can take from this story. Read on my fellow book worms, may we one day have Belle's Library. And to those who read this because they are getting married congratulations! To the married couples looking for something extra to help with their marriage, I support you and wish you all the best. The next book may be more helpful than this one, so stay tuned! Links to the author's Goodreads can be found below.
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